The Land of OZ
by FaithinBones
Summary: 'The Wizard of Oz' was released in August 25, 1939. It's fast approaching it's 75th anniversary and I thought you might enjoy a short Seeley Booth version of the story.
1. Chapter 1

Thanks for reading my story. My stories allow me to fly a little wilder than I do in real life. Thanks for flying with me.

(After The Twist in the Twister)

A/N: Quick explanation. This a Booth dream.

I don't own Bones.

Oooooooooooooooooooo

He had been standing in the yard when he saw the tornado headed his way. Running for the old house a few feet from him, Booth hoped there might be a basement that he could hide in; but, once he entered the house he found out that there wasn't one. It was just a very old clapboard house and he knew that it wasn't enough to protect him from what was coming.

Opening the back door, he scanned the yard to see if there was a ditch or a culvert close by. Not seeing anything, Booth raced to the front door and looked for the much wanted ditch or culvert. Not seeing what he desperately needed, he ran into the living room, opened a closet door and entered into the very small room. Closing the door, the panting agent sat down and made himself into as small of a target as possible. Last he prayed, "God, if it's my time to go, don't let Bones find my body all torn up. That's all I ask."

Ooooooooooooooooooo

The tornado hit the house and shook it hard. Ripping the roof off of the old house, the wind tore through the building, picking up furniture and knick knacks. Some of these things were pulled into the vortex and carried away while others were just pushed out of the house. The staircase above the closet collapsed and all that remained was a small space next to the door where a treadmill had been leaning against the wall. The strength of the tread mill held up the collapsed staircase allowing for a pocket of safety.

Booth, holding onto his legs and holding his face downward, heard the train roaring through the house. The noise was deafening and Booth was never so frightened in his life. Thinking about Brennan, he thanked God that he had fooled her and had managed to leave her behind at the Jeffersonian that morning. If he survived this weather event, he knew that he would have to deal with a very angry Brennan; but, at this point, he didn't care. She was safe and that was all that mattered to him.

After a while, the Federal Agent realized that his world had suddenly become silent. The roaring was now a distant noise and the wind and the rain had stopped. Getting up onto his knees, he tried to open the closet door and found that he couldn't open it. Pushing as hard as he could, Booth couldn't get the door open. Sitting down, he moved his feet so that they were against the door and with as much force as he could, he slammed his feet against the door. Once, twice, thrice, the desperate man slammed the door. Finally, the door started to move away from him, opening several inches. Galvanized, Booth ignored the pain in his feet and continued to slam the door causing the door to open inch by inch. As soon as the door was open wide enough, he rolled onto his side and pulled himself through the opening.

As soon as he was clear, Booth stood up and looked around. Shocked, he found that most of the house was gone. Only two walls were standing and part of the closet. Whistling, he stepped over the debris in his path and walked over to the edge of the foundation.

Looking around, he saw that his SUV had rolled over and it was resting on it's roof. Upset, Booth left the remains of the house and walked out into the debris strewn yard towards his truck. Walking around the truck, he could see that it was totaled. Shaking his head, he sat down next to it, pulled his phone out of the pocket of his FBI jacket and tried to call Brennan.

After trying several times, he soon realized that he didn't have any bars on his phone. Thinking about it, he decided that the tornado had probably destroyed any nearby communication towers; so, he was cut off from Brennan for the time being.

Standing up, Booth started to walk down the gravel road next to the now destroyed house. Seeing the highway in the distance, he thought it would be better for him to just hitch hike back to the small town a few miles from where he was and then call Brennan to come get him. He wasn't looking forward to that conversation; but, what the Hell, he was alive and so was his best girl. He didn't give a damn if his truck was totaled. It was just a thing.

As Booth got closer to the highway, he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. The highway looked strange. Instead of the gray ribbon that it should be it had a yellowish tint. Puzzled, he kept staring at the road as he got closer to it. Once he was standing next to the road, the dumbfounded man scratched his right ear and asked himself, "Why is the damn road yellow?"

Booth had been standing next to road for a few minutes when a man of small stature came up to him and said, "Hey buddy, the closest town is four miles south of here. It won't be hard to find, just follow the yellow brick road."

His eyes widening, the FBI Agent turned to the small man and asked, "What the Hell did you say?"

Smiling, the small man said, "Get the wax out of your ears, buddy. I said follow the yellow brick road."

Licking his lips, Booth shook his head, "What's going on? Where the Hell am I?"

Nodding his head, the small man smiled, "Oh you're in the land of OZ. You know, we incorporated a few years ago. We're close enough to Richmond for shopping; but, far enough away to have peace and quiet. Get a grip man, follow the yellow brick road. By the way, if you come across a bitch named Ms. West then run like Hell. She isn't too fond of Federal Agents. The tax man repossessed her castle and her flying monkeys for failure to pay back taxes and she's been pissed ever since."

Ooooooooooooooooooooo

The rain hitting the bedroom window woke Booth up with a start. Sitting up, Booth looked around to see that he was in his bedroom. Concerned that Brennan wasn't lying next to him, Booth got out of bed and walked across the room towards the bedroom door. Hearing the TV playing, Booth opened the door and entered the living room. Looking around, Booth spied Brennan sitting on the couch mesmerized by whatever was playing on the TV screen. Rubbing his head, Booth slowly walked over to the couch and sat down next to his girlfriend.

Brennan tearing her eyes from the television screen, observed a very sleepy Booth sitting next to her. Placing her arm around his, she asked, "Booth, I found a very interesting movie on television. Have you ever heard of the "Wizard of Oz"?"

BBBBBBBBBBBB

'The Wizard of Oz' was released in August 25, 1939. It's fast approaching it's 75th anniversary and I thought you might enjoy a small Bones version of the story. I hope you liked it.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay I know this story is silly; but, I had a request to do a little more from Peyton and daisesndaffidols. I'm game to write it if you're game to read it.

I don't own Bones.

Ooooooooooooooooo

Meandering down the yellow brick road, Booth soon found himself in front of a corn field. The road he was following was forked and he wasn't sure which road would take him to town. Pulling out his IPhone, he tried to call Brennan only to find he still had no bars. Frustrated, he tried to call her anyway.

"Hey man, no cell towers out here."

Looking around the FBI Agent didn't see anyone and decided that he must have imagined the voice. Trying to call again, he sighed and stared at the scarecrow dangling from a pole at the edge of the field.

The scarecrow, annoyed that his advice was being ignored folded his arms across his chest, "What's the matter, no speaka English? I said there aren't any cell towers out here."

Dropping his phone and then picking it back up, Booth kept his eye on the talking doll, "What the fuck?"

Shaking his head, the Scarecrow asked, "Do you eat with that mouth? Sheesh, language buddy."

Taking a step back, Booth frowned, "You're a scarecrow."

Rolling his eyes, Scarecrow complained, "No kidding. You're a genius. . . . Look, could you do me a favor and help me get off of this pole? I'm tired of hanging around here."

Placing his phone in to his pocket, Booth finally replied, "I don't know if it's smart to help you out. How do I know you aren't dangerous like Chucky?"

Curious, Scarecrow asked, "Who the hell is Chucky?"

Shrugging his shoulders, the cautious agent replied, "You know the psycho doll in 'Child's Play'. How do I know you won't try to kill me because really, how many talking dolls can there be? Maybe you're Chucky like all grown up."

Exasperated, Scarecrow frowned, "Hey, one, I'm not a doll, I'm a scarecrow and two my name is Jack. I'm not a psycho and I never saw 'Child's Play' but I'm telling you I'm not this Chucky guy you're so afraid of."

Standing straighter, Booth snarled, "Hey, I'm not afraid of anything, I'm just cautious. This whole thing is weird. I don't even know where the hell I am."

Holding his hands out, Jack smiled, "Where are you trying to go?"

Staring down the right side of the road, Booth explained, "I got caught in a tornado and my truck was destroyed. I'm trying to walk to the nearest town so I can call my girl and have her come and get me."

Nodding his head, Jack pointed down the left side of the road, "Get me down and I'll help you find the town. I think I know where it is."

Sighing, Booth walked into the corn field and found a wooden box next to the pole the scarecrow was hanging from. Placing it closer to the pole, Booth stood on it and moved the nail so that Jack could slide down the pole.

Watching Jack fall boneless and then stand up and dust off his bottom, Booth warned the hay filled figure, "I have a gun so don't do anything stupid."

Irritated, Jack walked out on to the road and turned to look at Booth, "Don't be such an idiot. I'm made of hay and straw. You shoot me and the bullet will just go through my body. You can't kill me with bullets."

Frowning, Booth nodded his head, "Okay, well I have a lighter too."

Taking a step back, Jack frowned, "Okay, man, stop kidding around. You want my help or not?"

Stepping out into the road, Booth placed his hands on his hips, "Which way to town, hay boy?"

Pointing to the right fork in the road, Jack responded, "It's that way."

Scratching his head, Booth remarked, "Why'd you point to the left when you were on the pole?"

Laughing, Jack started walking down the road towards town, "If you were going to leave me on the pole I didn't want to do you any favors."

Nodding his head, Booth followed Jack, "Great, a smart ass doll."

Angry, Jack turned and glared at Booth, "Hey I am not a doll. I'm a scarecrow."

Smirking, Booth responded, "If you say so, straw man."

Overlooking the smirk, Jack asked, "What's your name . . . Grumpy?"

Rolling his eyes, the agent shook his head, "Just call me Booth."

Amused, Jack remarked, "Wow, your mother must have a weird sense of humor if she named you after furniture."

Oooooooooooooooooooooo

Following the pale yellow road, Jack soon found boredom setting in, "Hey, I heard there's a wizard in the town."

Snorting, Booth shook his head, "There's no such thing as wizards."

Turing to face Booth while walking backwards, Jack smirked, "Yeah, like there's no such thing as talking scarecrows?"

Glaring at his companion, the agent conceded, "Yeah, okay. What about the Wizard?"

Continuing to walk backwards, Jack answered, "Well, I'm made of straw and hay."

Shrugging his shoulders, Booth asked, "So?"

"I'm made of hay and straw all over."

"So?"

"Every bit of me is hay and straw."

"Stop saying that and get to the point."

"I don't have a brain like you do. My head is full of straw."

Stopping Booth had to ask, "How you think with a head of straw? For that matter, how do you talk? If you're only hay and straw does that mean that there's no scarecrow Junior?"

Stopping, Jack held up his hand, "Hey, don't talk about my bits like that. Of course there's a Jack Junior, it's just made of hay. And I can talk and think because this is the Land of Oz."

Crossing his arms across his chest, Booth protested, "That's no answer."

Shrugging his shoulders, the scarecrow sighed, "It's all the answer you're going to get here. So anyways, this wizard may be able to give me a brain and maybe she can get you home."

Curious, Booth asked, "The Wizard is a woman?"

Starting to walk again, Jack responded, "Sure, you got a problem with that?"

Shaking his head, Booth smiled, "Not me. I love women. My partner is a woman . . . She's probably pissed that I went off without her this morning. She likes to go out in to the field even though she's pregnant and don't tell her I said so, but she is big. Big in a good way of course but really, she needs to stay home. Of course, what I want doesn't matter, no . . . ."

Stopping again, Jack interrupted the agent, "Booth? Booth! Stop it already. The sooner we get to town the sooner you can get home to your loved one."

Smiling, Booth started jogging, "Yeah, let's go. I need to see my Bones."

Curious, Jack asked, "That's what you call your loved one . . . Bones? That doesn't seem very romantic to me."

Listening to Jack trying to keep up with him, Booth remarked, "It is to me. She's my Bones and no one else gets to call her that, just me."

**BBBBBBBB**

Waking Booth turned his head to stare at Brennan, sleeping next to him. Sighing, he rolled out of bed and quietly walked across the room and opened the door. Walking through the living room, he entered the kitchen and pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge.

Brennan waking when Booth moved from the bed, soon appeared in the kitchen. "What's wrong Booth?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Booth responded, "I had a dumb dream. I keep dreaming I'm in the Land of OZ."

Curious, Brennan asked, "Have you met Dorothy in the dream?"

Blushing, Booth stared at the floor, "I'm Dorothy."

Frowning, Brennan asked, "Am I in the dream?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Booth sipped some water, "Not yet."

Smiling, Brennan responded, "Maybe you should quit eating cold pizza for a snack before you go to bed."

Shaking his head, Booth placed the bottle down on the counter and walked over to where his girlfriend was standing. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he leaned over and kissed her. "I love you Bones. You know that right?"

Smiling, Brennan returned his kiss.

Ooooooooooooooooooo

Any one reading this silly mess?


	3. Chapter 3

Okay more silliness. I couldn't resist continuing the story. I love humor and this is a chance to write something a little on the silly side.

I don't own Bones or the Wizard of Oz. Well since the movie is older that my father I would imagine that was a given.

Ooooooooooooooooooo

They'd only made it a quarter of a mile down the road when they were accosted by a lioness. Leaping out from behind a big tree, the lioness stood up on her back legs and made swiping motions at Booth and Jack, "You're mine now. Rooaarrr. I was looking for a snack and you'll do just fine."

Jack stepping behind Booth, called out, "I'm made of straw and hay. No meat on me, nope, not even a little bit."

Annoyed, Booth pulled his gun and aimed it at the lioness. "I'm no ones snack, bitch. Step closer and I'll drill one through your head."

Stopping all movement, except for the small twitch in her tail, the lioness squeaked, "Wait now, I was just kidding around. I'm not going to hurt you. I had a big breakfast this morning."

Curious, Booth asked, "How come you can talk?"

A little indignant, the lioness crossed her arms across her chest, "What the hell kind of question is that? You can talk, hay boy behind you can talk, why can't I?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Booth shook his head, "You know what, I'm beginning to think my brain tumor is back. Boy if that's true, I'm going to be pissed. The last time I had one I talked to cartoons and now it's lions and big dolls."

Swatting the agent on the back, Jack yelled, "Quit calling me a damn doll. I'm a scarecrow."

The lioness, edging away from Booth, placed her hands over her mouth, "You aren't dangerous are you? I mean if you're talking to cartoons that's bad."

Exhaling deeply, Booth placed his gun back into his holster, "I don't talk to cartoons now. I only did that when I had my brain tumor. I'm fine now. . . Well, I thought I was. Now I'm not so sure."

Standing still, the lioness decided to be diplomatic and asked, "Where are you two going? I don't usually see strangers around here."

Pointing towards the road, Booth explained, "My truck was wiped out by a tornado. I need to get home before my girlfriend gets really pissed at me. I snuck off without her this morning. She doesn't have a sense of humor about crap like that."

Harrumping, the lioness waved one of her paws at Booth, "Yeah, I wouldn't like that either. Why's hay boy going with you?"

Stepping out from behind his companion, Jack puffed up his chest, "I'm going to town to talk to the wizard. I heard great things about her. I was hoping she'd give me a brain."

Puzzled, the lioness had to ask, "How do you talk if you don't have a brain?"

Irritated, Jack responded, "That's a laugh. How come you can talk? It's the same thing."

Shaking her head, she denied it. "It most certainly is not. I have a larynx and a brain. You said you don't have a brain and as far as I can tell, you're just made out of grass."

Stepping away from Booth, the straw man advanced upon the lioness, "I am not made of grass, stupid. I'm made of hay and straw."

Stepping back, the lioness glanced at Booth, "Quick, pull your gun, the doll is threatening me."

Stopping in his tracks, Jack yelled, "I'm not a damned doll. I'm a scarecrow, for God's sake. Is everyone blind?"

Tears suddenly rolling down her face, the lioness stared at the road and cried, "You don't have to be so mean. I didn't hurt you or anything. You're scaring me. Please . . . Please just leave me alone."

Feeling sorry for the lioness, Booth placed his hand on Jack's shoulder, "Okay, Jack simmer down. You're being mean now." Smiling, he pointed at himself and then at the scarecrow, "My names Booth and this is Jack. We're just walking to town. You want to join us?"

Shrugging her shoulders, the lioness frowned, "Why would I do that? What's in town that I'd be interested in?"

Rubbing his nose, Booth sighed, "Well, that wizard Jack mentioned might be able to help you too."

Curious, the lioness frowned, "What kind of help do I need?"

Glancing away from his new friend, "Well, if a wizard can give a doll. . . Uh, sorry, a scarecrow a brain then maybe she can do something for you."

Rocking her head side to side, the lioness, "Yeah? Well, I wouldn't mind a little courage and not the liquid kind either."

Nodding his head, Booth smiled, "You can ask. I mean the worse thing that can happen is she just says no can do."

Rubbing her chin, the lioness smiled, "Sure, I can see that . . . . My name is Cam by the way. It's nice to meet you."

Ooooooooooooooooooo

Sitting up abruptly in bed, Booth exclaimed, "Shit!"

Ooooooooooooooooooo

So the silliness continues. Let me know what you think of my little story. Thanks.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank so much for reading this story. I know a lot of you hate crossovers and you're reading it anyway. Thank you.

I don't own Bones.

Oooooooooooooooooo

Booth found himself getting hungry. Noticing an apple orchard ahead, he started jogging down the yellow tinted road.

Jack, not really caring for exuberant exercise, called out, "What's the hurry? The town isn't going to move if we don't get there soon."

Ignoring the scarecrow, Booth stopped when he got close to an apple bearing tree. Pointing, Booth smiled, "I'm hungry. These apples will do in a pinch."

Waving her paw, Cam hurried to where Booth was standing, "Oh, don't go near those trees. I mean, really it's a bad idea."

Frowning, Booth walked over to a tree and studied the myriad of plump red apples hanging overhead. "If you're worried about the owner, I'll leave some money."

Shaking her head, Cam backed up as Booth grabbed an apple. Once the apple was in his hand, much to his surprise, the apple tree slapped his arm and complained, "You damn thief. Give that apple back."

Jumping back, Booth stared at the tree, "Holy shit."

Moving to stand next to Booth, Cam frowned, "These trees are selfish bastards. They don't give a damn if anyone is starving. They don't want anyone to eat their apples."

Curious, Booth asked the tree, "What the hell are you going to do with them?"

Scowling, the apple tree replied, "I'm not going to do anything with them. They just hang off me and look pretty."

Rolling his eyes, Booth took a bite out of the apple he was holding, "Well, it's a good thing you don't sell them. This apple tastes like crap." Chewing the apple piece and then swallowing it, Booth looked at the apple, "I'm not so sure you could give these away."

Furious, the tree grabbed off a few apples from his branches and starting to throw them at Booth. Jack, not really paying attention started to walk across the road to the other side when his hat was knocked off by a flying apple. "Hey, dumb ass, I don't eat apples." He shouted at the tree.

Dodging the apples, Booth and Cam waited until the tree stopped throwing them. Once the tree stopped out of sheer exhaustion, Booth pulled off his jacket and then his shirt. Nodding at the apples lying on the road, Booth smiled, ""Help me pick the apples and I'll carry them in my shirt."

Staring at Booth's very fine physique, Cam cleared her throat, "Uh . . . What?"

Tying the bottom of this t-shirt, Booth started collecting apples. "Come on, help me pick them up."

Blushing, Cam stammered, "Uh . . . What?"

Exhaling deeply, Booth placed his shirt down and put his jacket back on, "Earth to Cam, help me pick up the apples."

Shaking her head, Cam wiped her hand across her brow, "Don't you think it's warm today? I mean wow, I was fine before but now I'm hot as hell."

Ignoring the stammering lioness, Booth picked up all the apples and after doing a quick count found he had twelve. "This will do."

Jack, standing in a copse of trees on the opposite side of the road from the apple bearing trees, called out, "Hey, Booth. Come here."

Carrying his t-shirt full of apples, Booth walked into the clump of trees and found Jack standing in front of a robot. "What's up?"

Patting the robot, Jack smiled, "I found this really cool toy."

A noise emanating from the robot, Booth leaned closer to try to figure out what the sound was. "It's making a noise."

Rolling his eyes, Jack stared at the robot, "No shit. It sounds like words; but, I can't make it out."

Cam standing just behind Booth, volunteered some help, "The toy is saying WD-40, whatever the hell that means."

Glancing around, Booth found a large economy size can of the magic fluid resting on a tree stump. Picking up the can, Booth dropped his shirt of apples and started spraying the joints of the robot. As soon as he finished, the robot started to move. Moving each limb the robot finally grabbed the can from Booth's hand and sprayed some on his own jaw, "Man, what a bummer. I've been frozen since spring time. I got caught in a bitchen rain storm and that was all she wrote."

Impressed, Jack stared at the robot, "Wow, a toy that talks."

Exasperated, the robot protested, "Hey, I am not a toy. I'm a man made of tin."

A look of disbelief on his face, Booth smirked, "Great another talking doll."

Jack and the tin man complained in unison, "Hey, I am not a doll."

Shrugging his shoulders, Booth picked up his apple filled shirt, "Okay, nice to meet you." Walking away away from the trio, Booth heard the tin man call out, "Hey what's your hurry?"

Staring at the retreating FBI agent, Cam ran after him. Jack, picking up two stray apples, placed them inside his shirt and called out, "Hey wait."

The tin man, very confused, exclaimed, "Wait, what's the hurry?"

Stopping Booth turned and stared at the tin man, "I got to get to town and call my girlfriend. She's probably pissed by now. She doesn't know where I am and I've been out of pocket for a few hours."

The tin man finally arriving where Booth, Cam and Jack were standing, moved his can of WD-40 under his arm, "Look I'm running out of my mojo. I'll come with you to town."

Turning to face the road, Booth frowned, "Great, why not."

Pointing at the apples, the tin volunteered, "I can carry those for you."

Handing the shirt over, Booth took out two apples and bit into one, "Thanks. My name is Booth. The lion is Cam and the doll is Jack."

Protesting, Cam corrected the agent, "Hey, I'm a lioness."

Complaining, Jack jumped up and down a few times, "Damn it, I'm a scarecrow I'm not a doll."

Ignoring his companions, Booth asked, "So what's your name?"

Stepping on to the road, the tin man started walking towards town, "You can call me Lance."

ooooooooooooooooooo

So another chapter is complete. What do you think of my story?


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